Tuesday, April 16, 2019

One step at a time

Dear readers,

Laksh is 20 months old and life has been good. Some days we have big highs and some days we have small lows. But isn't that what makes life interesting? I have decided to use this blog as a platform to document this amazing journey and the feeling that it creates.

Motherhood can feel, at least to me, like the most rewarding and yet the most isolating experience. Every mom does it differently. There are some moms that juggle so much and yet do it successfully. I am not one of them. I wish I were. Sometimes, I feel that juggling between all the therapy sessions, doctors appointments and other needs (due to this Hirschsprung's disease) makes me lose focus from spending fun times doing nothing with him. I constantly remind myself that he is just a baby and needs to do baby activities as well that are not a therapy session orchestrated by the city (which we are eternally grateful for). Laksh gets 4 different kinds of therapy and due to this we sometimes struggle to get them all done in the week. My rule for him is, he gets his 2 hour nap in the day and no therapy on weekends. Weekends are meant for us to do family things together. For him to just be a kid, and not a kid with "special needs".  For us to go to the park, go shopping, go to the beach or zoo,  go to the movies, have a lazy day at home, visit a friend, take a trip outside the city or walk around the block. I feel like Laksh needs a balance of structured therapy sessions with a strict schedule during the week and unstructured play times that he can be the boss of during the weekends.

Social media has helped me connect with amazing people that have helped me in so many different ways. People that have become parents before us and some that have started this journey after us. Some people who get it and some who don't. Most days I cherish this but some days I get sucked into the "is their life better than ours" game. I see parents who make different kinds of food for their kids, or take them to the park every day or indoor gaming area and I find myself wondering am I failing as a mom coz I can't find the time to do that after working full time? Most days, I get home from work and play with Laksh for a little while after which we have to start his night time routine. I see mothers uploading amazing pictures with their kids or of their kids during the week days and I see my phone that only has screenshots taken during a facetime call that I had with him in between seeing patients. And I think to myself; am I missing out on his childhood because I work? Most days I am able to look past this and just enjoy the journey but some days I wonder, am I doing enough?

No one dreams of wanting a kid that needs extra care and help. No one wants to spend so much time being their child's therapist, teacher, nurse, advocate that they sometimes forget being just their mom. I understand being a parent is being all this and more. But for me, sometimes it ends up being just that. I love and cherish my Laksh more than words can express. Being a mom gives me this super human strength that lets me function on little sleep, and even less privacy. And I won't change it for the world. But some days I just want to be mere human. I want to be enough just as I am, without anyone letting me know that I might not be. I want to be a me.

I came across this article that resonated with what I am feeling. I would like to highlight some parts of it here.


 cultivate gratitude 

Unhealthy self-sacrifice

  you shouldn’t give up your core self 



Your need to look perfect

No such thing as a perfect parent  
or you can read the entire article here:


Enjoy a small video (taking by my lovely mother) of my precious Laksh and his PT acing stair climbing: one step at a time

To the makers of the movie Mimi

First of all, I would like to thank you for opening the dialogue about Down syndrome in our Indian society.  Thank you for showing that a ch...