Friday, December 29, 2017


Dear readers,

When we first found out I was pregnant, it was the start of this year. Now, with the year about to end, I realized how different our lives have become in a few short months. Earlier this year, I had imagined all these changes that would come with our baby being born. How being a mom would be the coolest thing ever. How all my baby would ever need is my husband and me (apart from milk, sleep, and diaper changes of course). How we would be sleep deprived because that is what I have seen parents of new born babies be on TV. But God had different plans.

Being overweight, all our lives, we are told things we won't be able to do. We won't be able to participate in sports, we won't look pretty, we won't be able to wear certain type of clothes, we won't be able to have a baby easily, etc etc. So even before we decided to get pregnant, I started losing weight so the doctors won't give me the same old lecture about how I won't have a smooth pregnancy because I am overweight.I even went to the OBGYN before for a pre-conception check up to make sure everything is okay. That is how scared I was of screwing up or being told I will screw up instead.

When we got pregnant, I was surprised to learn most doctors wont even see me till I am 10 weeks pregnant or more? I was so mad, because the first trimester is when you need the most reassurance as you still don't look pregnant or feel your baby. Morning sickness isn't a sign that everything is okay. So when we finally got to see a doctor, they did not even do an US yet because for that we needed another appointment so it was a while before we got to see our little baby on the screen. It is the best feeling ever. No words can describe how wonderful it is to see his tiny heart beating on the screen and knowing some day soon you will be able to hold him in your arms.

Anyway, first two trimesters of my pregnancy went smoothly. My blood pressure was fine and so was my blood glucose (the two things most doctors had warned me about). Actually, by the end of the second trimester, doctors had started scaring me all over again about how he isn't growing well and how I need to keep counting his kicks to make sure he is doing okay. Anyway, moving past all that, the day my baby was born and I heard his cry, oh my what a feeling. In that moment, I knew my life would forever belong to someone else.

Little did I know, we had a whole different journey in front of us. He needed surgeries and NICU stay before he needed his crib and all the wonderful things we got him. So now we have come to terms with the fact that he would sometimes need doctors and therapists more than he needs us. We need to understand, he would need to see the doctors more often than our friends kids might have to. Sometimes, he would need me to be his advocate along with being his mother. Sometimes, I would have to fight to get him what other kids get freely and easily. But that doesn't matter. What matters is he completes me and I would do anything for my baby boy.

Hope this year was everything you guys hoped for and the coming year even better.

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